Thursday, June 30, 2005

Last night was a bit of a day off as far as youth group goes. There were a couple new faces, which was good. I knew most of my regulars were at camp, so I didn't plan anything. We just sat around and talked for a while. I'm not sure how much good it did, but at least there were some ideas planted. I've been trying to shove people out of their bubbles and think for themselves. It's hard work, and seldom produces the desired result. Typical evangelical doctrine doesn't hold up too well to serious scrutiny, and telling people to "just believe" and "have faith" is rather unsatisfying; especially when five minutes before you were encouraging them to question and scrutinize their beliefs.

Which is something I've been doing a lot of lately. They are not doing too well (my beliefs, that is). The whole bit is sort of like a cheap sweater. If you start picking at one loose thread, pretty soon the whole thing is lying on the floor in a heap. Some questions I have been asking most of my life. The response was always that I didn't know enough to understand the answers. Well, I'm not stupid and I have probably studied theology and apologetics at least slightly more than the average Christian, and I still don't have answers. Or more correctly, I have answers, but they are definitely not lending any support to evangelicalism, and in fact are having the opposite effect. All I can think about is the Pink Panther short (cartoon) where he starts picking at a loose "thread" in his fur, unravels himself into a pile, then knits the whole mess back into a sweater that hangs to the floor. As I look at the tangled pile on the floor I'm asking myself if I want to try to knit it back together into an ugly, baggy sweater that will never fit right, or just kick the whole mess into the trash. The later would certainly be easier, but I'm not sure I want to be left naked. (And as a matter of fact, I do have a license to strain metaphors like that...)


The problem with not having much to talk about and having a blog is you tend to start rambling, then say too much.

On a roughly related note, I need to make some big changes and make them fast. I need to do some creative work, which I can't do here (at my job, that is). Blogging during my lunch hour just isn't cutting it any more. One thing on the close horizon is a group of essays I will be collecting and editing (as well as adding one of my own). But I recognize the symptoms, and that will do little other than whet my appetite. I recently dug out my old camera and picked up some black and white film. The big problem is time; I just don't have any. Work and other obligations have me booked solid for the entire month of July. I have no vacation days. But I really need a couple weeks to do other things. Not sure what I can arrange, but I need to make something happen soon.

OK; enough whining. Back to writing job documentation.

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