A Dog's Prayers

Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch...or is it going to be the same old story?

Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

• I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
• I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
• The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
• The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
• The garbage man is not stealing our stuff.
• My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
• I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
• I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
• Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "Hello."
• I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
• I will not throw up in the car.
• I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
• I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
• The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Will I have to do the same things when I get to Heaven?

And, finally, my last question.......

Dear God:
When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?