Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I had to add these from Bob Thompson's post today:

One day at Chaos Manor, Jerry was talking with Ed, who was visiting him for the day. At one point, Jerry commented, "As I once said to Albert Einstein…"

Exasperated by what he perceived as Jerry's name-dropping, Ed protested, "Albert Einstein! Yeah, right. Is there anyone you don't know, Jerry?" Nonplussed, Jerry replied, "Well, I guess I know just about everyone and just about everyone knows me."

"Bullshit," said Ed, "you just drop names to impress people."

"You wound me," Jerry replied, "but I'll prove it to you. Name anyone you want, and I'll introduce the two of you."

"Okay," says Ed, "how about you introduce me to Clint Eastwood?" Jerry agrees, and the two of them jump in Jerry's Explorer and drive out to Clint Eastwood's house. Jerry rings the bell and steps aside waiting for Eastwood to answer the door. A moment later, the door opens and Eastwood says, "Who the hell are you, and what do you want?"

"Aha," shouts Ed, just as Jerry steps in from the side. "Jerry!", shouts Clint, "Long time no see. How the hell are you?" Ed and Jerry pass an hour or two visiting with Clint, with Jerry and Clint catching up on old times.

As they're driving away, Jerry says, "See. I told you. I really do know everyone." Not satisfied, Ed says, "Yeah, but that might be a coincidence. Let's try another one." Jerry agrees, and Ed suggests President Bush. So they jump on a plane at LAX and head for DC. They show up at the White House and take the tour. As they near the end of the tour, Ed thinks he's beaten Jerry. But then an aide calls Jerry aside and whisks him and Ed into the Oval Office.

"Jerry!", says President Bush, "it's been too long. We've missed your counsel and advice around here. Actually, I'm thinking about dumping Dick this fall. Would you consider running for Vice President on my ticket?" Jerry demurs, but he and Ed do spend a couple hours chewing the fat with the President, who's cancelled meetings with his National Security Advisor and his campaign chairman to free up the time to visit with Jerry.

Shaken, Ed tells Jerry he's starting to wonder, but he's still not convinced. "Okay," says Jerry, "let's do one more. Pick out anyone you want." After some thought, Ed knows he has Jerry. "Okay," Ed says, "introduce me to the Pope." So they get on a plane and head for Rome.

When they arrive, they learn that the Pope has a public appearance scheduled for that day. Jerry and Ed show up at Vatican square, where they find half a million people gathered to hear the Pope speak from his balcony. "This'll never work," Jerry says, "the Pope will never notice me among all these people. I'll tell you what. I know all the guards. They'll let me through to see my old buddy the Pope, but they're too worried about security to let you through. How about if I go in to visit with the Pope and then come out on the balcony with him? Will that satisfy you?" Ed agrees that that would indeed be sufficient proof that Jerry knows the Pope.

A few minutes later the doors open and out comes Jerry Pournelle onto the balcony with the Pope. When Jerry returns to where he left Ed, he sees an ambulance and a cluster of people gathered. He pushes his way through the crowd to find Ed lying on the ground, with ambulance attendants trying frantically to revive him. "What happened," Jerry shouts. "Oh, hi Jerry," a bystander replies, "he seemed just fine until the guy standing next to him asked him, "Who the hell is that up on the balcony with Jerry Pournelle?"

And Bob's new version of the Miranda Warning in light of the recent Supreme Court decision:

"You have don't have the right to remain silent or to refuse to answer questions. Do you understand? Anything you do or don't say may be used against you in a court of law. Do you understand? We can make things up if we want to and charge you on that basis. Do you understand? You have no right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police or to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. Do you understand? If you cannot afford an attorney, tough luck. Do you understand? You do not have the right to refuse to answer questions at any time. Do you understand? Knowing and understanding your complete lack of rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions or do we have to beat it out of you?"


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